KING ARTHUR AND THE (FAIRLY) ROUND TABLE
Characters (largest part first)
Merlin – the magician – 1950s ‘Teddy Boy’ style, cockney accent
Arthur – the (teenage) hero
Harry – a trainee wizard, Harry Potter lookalike, glasses & gown
Lady New-Money – posh and pushy, the dame
Lord New-Money – Yorkshire accent, small, hen-pecked
Morgan le Fay – glamorous but evil queen
Guenevere – daughter of the New-Moneys, the heroine
Sir Ector – a bumbling knight
Mick – a builder, comic
Monty – his mate, dim
Sir Galahad – Arthur’s friend
Kay – Ector’s jealous son
Sir Lancelot – big-headed French knight
First villager – smarmy
Mordred – Morgan’s evil son
The Abbot – unintelligible dialect part
Sir Jules – a gay knight
Sir Gay – another gay knight
Mr Grim – an inspector, modern suit, raincoat, hat, glasses
Cedric – wears tatty old mac
Fetch – a servant
Carry – another servant
Sir Smellobeer – a drunken knight
Nellie – a fruit-seller, voluptuous and flirtatious
King Uther – the old king
Herald – a herald (obviously)
Nuff – a fairy
Vera – an elf
Gwen – another elf
Second villager – broad accent
Monk
Stall-holder
A Squire
STORY OUTLINE
The story starts with celebrations (dance routine) for the birth of Arthur, but his mother dies, and at the request of Merlin the magician, Arthur’s father, the old king Uther Pendragon, places him into the care of old, trusty knight Sir Ector. This is to keep Arthur safe from his jealous step-sister, Morgan le Fay. Merlin places a sword in a magic stone which may only be removed by the future true king.
For fifteen years, Arthur is brought up by Ector in the company of Ector’s son Kay, not knowing his true identity. Merlin watches him grow up, and the time comes when Arthur pulls the sword from the stone and discovers who he is, and he becomes a rather reluctant king. Kay is very jealous. Merlin’s assistant-wizard, Harry, tries out his first spell on the audience – they have to sing. Merlin arranges for Arthur to meet Guenevere and they fall in love. Arthur chooses a site for the building of Camelot and employs some (comic) builders to do the work, who have trouble with the planners. Then Harry tries to magically make Arthur his Round Table, with mixed results. Arthur and Guenevere will be married by the Abbot of Holme Cultram Abbey; together with Guenevere’s parents, Lord and Lady New-Money, they meet with the abbot to settle the wedding plans, but find it difficult to understand him. The wedding is about to take place, but Morgan le Fay, and her son Mordred, puts a spell on Guenevere, and capture her, sending her to sleep.
I N T E R V A L
The grand opening of Camelot (song and dance); Arthur discovers that Guenevere is missing, and he and Galahad arrange the formation of the Order of the Knights of the Round Table, to try to find someone to rescue Guenevere (lots of knights apply). Lancelot arrives at Camelot to join, sees her picture, and says he will rescue her. Merlin and Harry discover where Guenevere is being held; Harry defies Merlin, and tries a spell of his own to awaken her, but instead changes Guenevere into two mischievous elves, Gwen and Vera. After a chase, Merlin catches them and changes them back into Guenevere, but now he cannot break Morgan’s evil spell. Morgan weakens Merlin, taking away his magic powers. Morgan tells Arthur that if he agrees to abdicate in favour of her son Mordred, then she will release Guenevere. Arthur wants to agree, but Merlin persuades him to wait until after the planned tournament (song and dance). Lancelot challenges Mordred to a duel at the tournament, and wins, killing Mordred. Morgan is furious, and decides to kill Guenevere in revenge.
She disguises herself, and wakes Guenevere up, saying she will take her back to Camelot. Merlin finds out, and sends Harry to stop her. Harry finally does a spell that works, and defeats Morgan le Fay. Guenevere is rescued, Merlin recovers his powers, Arthur and Guenevere finally get married, and live happily ever after.
A short script sample . . .
ACT 1
Scene 1 – Outside the castle
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the Mawbray Entertainers present: “King Arthur and the Fairly Round Table”. Our story starts in the sleepy village of Mawbray, where the villagers are celebrating the birth of a new prince.
[curtains open, several villagers on stage – noisy fifties rock n’ roll song’: dance routine]
1st villager: [raises a tankard] Oh, they don’t write ‘em like that any more! Well, we are here today to celebrate the birth of a prince to our Lord and Lady, King Uther Pendragon and his Queen the Lady Igraine. May he have a long and happy life! [all cheer]
2nd villager: [in dialect] Aaar! An’ what be they a-goin’ to call ‘un then?
1st villager: [mocking] What be they a-goin’ to call ‘un? Can’t you speak properly . . . no-one talks like that nowadays, this isn’t the fifth century any more.
Others: [in unison] Oh yes it is!
1st villager: Oh, no it isn’t!
Others: [to audience] OH, YES IT IS!
1st villager: Is it really? Oh well, at least we’ve got all that ‘Oh-yes-it-is‘ nonsense out of the way in scene one, hasn’t it?
Others: OH, NO IT HASN’T!
1st villager: [to audience] Oh dear, I think this is going to be one of THOSE pantos, don’t you? [turns back to 2nd villager] Anyway, you wanted to know what the new prince was going to be called – well, I heard they were thinking of calling him [pause] Darren . .
Others: [loudly] DARREN?!
1st villager: . . . but they didn’t. They called him Arthur instead.
Others: [chorus] Arthur-instead?
1st villager: No, no, no – not Arthur-instead, just Arthur. [to audience] Oooh, this is hard work, this is, and we’re still only on page two. [turns back to others] The new prince’s name is Arthur, got it?
Others: [chorus] Oh yes, Arthur-got-it.
1st villager: I give up. Look, let’s just drink his health, and get on with the party.
[loud fanfare, enter herald, reads from scroll]
Herald: Lo, I bring exceeding sad tidings, which must needs stop your celebrations. Be it known that our Lady the Queen has suddenly taken ill and died, and that the King is beside himself with grief.
[villagers murmur, enter Harry, and King carrying an infant]
King: [to villagers] Oh woe, I am beside myself with grief.
Herald: [to audience] See, I told you he was!
King: Enough, herald, begone! [exit herald] Good people, this is Harry, the assistant to Merlin the magician. Merlin had foreseen these tragic events, and says that the little prince must be brought up away from this castle, where he would be in great danger. He has asked me to place my son in his care, which I shall do, with a heavy heart. [hands baby over to Harry]
Harry: Thank you, my Lord King, I assure you this is for the best. I will take the young prince Arthur to Merlin for safety. [turns to villagers] Go on you lot, you must all look after your King.
[exit villagers left, with King; curtains close; Harry & infant stay on stage, outside curtains; enter Merlin, left, to loud rock music]
Harry: Ah, there you are, Merlin . . . look, I’ve got him!
Merlin: So I see, so I see . . . well done, Harry, any problems?
Harry: No, the king handed him over, just like you said he would! How did you know that would happen?
Merlin: I’ve told you before, Harry, I know the future better than I know the past – I live my life backwards, so I’m always in a different time zone from you lot – right now I’m stuck in the 1950s – and loving every minute of it!
The Desolate Tree 