Geronimo!

 

Geronimo!

 

List of characters

The Apaches:

Geronimo – an angry Indian brave

Crazy Horse – his father, the chief

Running Water – Crazy Horse’s (posh) squaw

Running Bear – Geronimo’s best friend

Little Beaver – a brave

Little Dove – another brave

The Sioux:

Sitting Bull – the (large) chief

Woman Talk Funny – the medicine woman (dialect part)

The Palefaces: 

Wyatt Burp – over-worked sheriff of Tombstone

Butch – his dim deputy

Randy – his even dimmer deputy

Clint – the mile-board holder

Doc Holliday – the new doctor in town

Summer Holliday – his daughter

Diamond Lil – the sultry saloon owner

Hertz van Rental – the Dutch barman

Jesse James – an outlaw

Maisie – the store-owner

Calamity Jane – her clumsy daughter

Hank – town gossip, work in the store

Smaller parts:

Champion – pantomime horse, one-person part only (see below)

Indian braves, cowboys, dancers

Champion is the horse of deputy Randy. When he tries to coax the horse on stage, it emerges that ‘his rear end ain’t there!’ – having contracted swine flu. So a ‘willing’ volunteer is picked from the audience to become the back end of the horse for a song and dance routine.

Who you are, and what you are like.

Geronimo – You are the headstrong son of the Apache chief Crazy Horse, and are angry at the way he accepts everything he is told by the White Men.  You think that you should fight for your heritage.  You speak with the accent of a TV Apache.

Crazy Horse – You are the chief of the Apache Nation, and are weary with the world.  You are afraid of the uncertain future, but are equally afraid of trying to do something about it.  You are also a little afraid of your wife, Running Water.

Running Water – You are an Apache squaw, the current wife of Crazy Horse, although you are not the mother of Geronimo.  You were not born an Apache however, but were taken captive from a wagon-train as a child.  You have retained your ‘posh’ voice.

Sitting Bull – You are the chief of the Sioux, long-term rivals and enemies of the Apaches.  You decide however, that perhaps it might be worth uniting with the Apaches in the struggle against the White Men. You speak with a cockney accent.

Woman-Talk-Funny – You are the Medicine Woman of the Sioux Nation.  You are careful and deliberate in everything you do – and you speak with a strong Cumbrian accent.

Running Bear – You are an Apache brave, friend of Geronimo.  You follow where he leads, but sometimes try to make him less impulsive in his actions.

Little Beaver/Little Dove – two more Apache braves.

Wyatt Burp – You are the Sheriff of the small town of Tombstone, and are assisted in your duties by your two deputies, but not always very ably.  You are worried about the Indian situation.  You speak with a Western accent.

Butch – You are the senior deputy, and think you are therefore quite clever, but actually you are only a little bit smarter than your sidekick Randy.  Fond of a drop or two of whiskey, you talk with a strong Western accent.

Randy – You are the other deputy, and are not the sharpest pencil in the box.  You idolise Butch, and try to stop him getting into trouble with the Sheriff, but seem to fail most of the time.  You too have a strong Western accent.

Clint – You are a boy from the town, who does various odd jobs for the Sheriff and for other people.  You have a Western accent.

Doc Holliday – You are the new doctor, returning after a long absence to the West to take up a position in the town.  You are accompanied by your only daughter. You have a Western accent.

Summer – You are the teenage daughter of the Doctor, and already you don’t like the ‘Wild West’ as it is hot and dusty, without the comforts of your old home back East.  You always see the best in people, and talk with a slight American accent.

Diamond Lil – You are the sultry owner of the ‘Last Chance Saloon’.  You have a fancy for the Sheriff, and hope one day he will ask you to marry him.  You run the saloon, its customers, and half the town with a firm hand. You have a Western accent.

Hertz – You are Dutch – so have a Dutch accent.  You are the new bar-tender at the saloon and are somewhat overawed by Diamond Lil, and you find it hard to settle in at first.

Maisie – You are a widow, the owner of the town store, which you run with the sometime assistance of your daughter.  You take no nonsense from anyone, and are great friends with Diamond Lil.  You have a Western accent.

Calamity Jane – You are the accident-prone daughter of Maisie the store-keeper.  You are a tom-boy, think you are as tough as any man, and tougher than most.  You have a strong Western accent.

Jesse James – You are the missing member of the notorious ‘James Gang’ and have not been seen for a long time.  Rumoured to be working as a gambler on the steam-boats, you have a Deep South accent.

Hank – You are the town gossip;  you work as an assistant in Maisie’s store and are known to often spread rumours and stories which have little or no basis in fact.

 A short script sample . . .

Introduction:  Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Culterham Hall.  Tonight, the Mawbray Entertainers are proud to present for your entertainment their latest epic production –  a Technicolor production with full surround sound, entitled – Geronimo – or Do You Have a Reservation. Our story starts in the peaceful prairie camp of the Apaches.

Scene 1 – At the Apache Camp

[music intro starts, then curtains open – song – ‘Crazy Horses’]

[after dancers leave, remaining on stage Geronimo & Crazy Horse,

 & Running Water who sits by a cooking pot, stirring contents]

Geronimo:  [to Crazy Horse]  Why do we always have to sing your song, Crazy Horse?

C Horse:  Well, there’s not many of our people have a song written about us, that’s why.

Geronimo:  Our people?

C Horse:  Yes, you know – all the Tribes of the Great Plains – or ‘Redskins’, as the White Man calls us.

R Water:  [looks up, posh voice]  Oh, I do wish they wouldn’t refer to us as ‘Redskins’, dear.  It just sounds so patronising.  [goes back to stirring]

C Horse:  Well, we are Redskins aren’t we?  Look.  [looks at his arm]  They call us ‘Redskins’, and we call them ‘Palefaces’ – that seems fair to me.

Geronimo:  Hmmph! [stamps his foot]  It is not fair that they take our land, and want to make us all move to a ‘reser-vation’.  That is not fair.  Our ancestors have hunted the buffalo here for a hundred generations.

R Water:  [turns round]    But why do they want our land?

C Horse:  They want to have this land because it is good land for their cattle.

Geronimo:  So –  we have to move to make room for the white man and his cows!  It makes me so angry!

C Horse:  But Geronimo, we have been given other lands.  The Big White Chief in the Fort has made us a promise that we shall have just as much land as before.

Geronimo:  Huh!  [folds arms]   The other lands they will give us have many hills, and they are too stony, and they have no buffalo – I think we should fight the Palefaces!

C Horse:  Ah, Geronimo my boy, you always think that fighting is the answer to everything – you are just like the Sioux.

Geronimo:  We fight the Sioux – we can fight the Palefaces! At least I am not afraid to fight – old man!

C Horse:  [nods]  Yes, I know I am old. But you will find that with age comes wisdom.

R Water:  Well, sometimes it does dear. [sniffs pot, calls out]  I say you two, supper’s almost ready. Go and wash your hands now, there’s good boys.

Geronimo:  Huh!  Why Running Water never talk like other Apache squaws?

C Horse:  Sshh!  [takes Geronimo to front of stage – talks quietly]   That’s because she is not like us – she was captured from a Paleface wagon-train, many moons ago. After your mother died, I decided to keep her as my squaw.

Geronimo:  Why you tell this to me – again?  I know this already.

C Horse:  Yes  [points to audience]  – but they don’t.

Geronimo:  Oh – yes, I see.

R Water:  [stands up, hands on hips]   Look, it will get cold – I shan’t tell you again!

C Horse:  We are just coming!

Geronimo:  But why you let her speak to you this way?  You are Apache Chief!

C Horse:  Oh, I don’t mind, if it keeps her happy, and I am rather used to it now. [enter Running Bear, rear left]   What is it, Running Bear?

Running Bear:  [bows]  Chief, excuse me, but there are some Sioux warriors approaching our camp.

Geronimo:  The Sioux here! But they are our deadly enemies!

C Horse:  Be quiet, Geronimo.  [turns to Running Bear]   Can you see who it is?

Running Bear:  It is their chief, chief.

Geronimo:  A chiff-chiff?  What is a chiff-chiff?

C Horse:  He means the chief – the chief of the Sioux tribe – Big Chief Sitting Bull!  [turns to Running Bear]   Well, when he arrives, bring him to me.

Running Bear:  [bows]  Yes, Chief.  [Running Bear exit rear left, running]

Geronimo:  What can Sitting Bull want?  [thinks]  Maybe it is to declare war.  I hope so!

R Water:  [taps foot, fold arms, getting cross]   It’s getting  CO – OLD!

C Horse:  [to Running Water]  Oh be quiet, squaw. [to Geronimo]  Let us wait, let us to see what he has to say.

R Water:  [mouth silently]  Squaw?  [points to herself]  SQUAW!?  [folds arms angrily, sits down again]

[Running Bear returns followed by Sitting Bull]

Running Bear:  Big Chief Sitting Bull, chief.

C Horse:  Thank you, Running Bear.  [exit Running Bear]

Sitting Bull:  [cockney accent]  Afternoon all!

Geronimo:  [solemnly raises hand]   How.

Sitting Bull:  [puzzled]  How what?

Geronimo:  [raises hand again]  How – it is Apache greeting.

Sitting Bull:  Oh, I see, yes – how to you too, then.  [raises hand casually]

C Horse:  [bows] Ah, greetings, oh mighty chief. What has brought you to my wigwam today?

Sitting Bull:  What brought me?  A horse – o’ course!

Geronimo:  [aside to audience]  Must have been a big ‘un!

C Horse:  Geronimo, enough.  [turns to Sitting Bull]   I must apologise for the rudeness of my son, Sitting Bull. No, I mean – for what reason did you come here today?

Sitting Bull:  Well, Crazy Horse, I thought it was time we buried the hatchet, so to speak – and had a little chat about these Palefaces and their plans to move us all to a reservation.

Geronimo:  Ah – you like a pow-wow?

Sitting Bull:  [puzzled]  Me? No thanks, I’ve never liked dogs.

Geronimo:  No – I say a pow-wow, not a bow-wow!   Pow-wow is Apache word for talk.

Sitting Bull:  Oh a pow – wow.  Yes, all right then, we’ll have a pow-wow.

C Horse:  We were just about to have our meal, Sitting Bull. Would you care to join us?

Sitting Bull:  Well, that’s very kind and civil – actually, I am a bit peckish now you mention it.

R Water:  [angrily]  Oh!  So now the ‘squaw’ is expected to just conjure up an extra meal from nowhere, is she? Like this?  [waves spoon like a wand]  And you know how I hate cooking!  [bangs spoon into cooking pot and disappears into wigwam]

Sitting Bull:  Blimey!  Who’s that?  What’s upset her?

C Horse:  Oh that is Running Water, my squaw. Don’t worry, she’s rather temperamental – she is always blowing hot and cold.

Sitting Bull:  Cor, you’re lucky then!

C Horse:  [puzzled]  Lucky?  Why?

Sitting Bull:  There’s not many wigwams that have ‘hot and cold running water’!  [turns to audience, begs for laughs]  Well, that’s set the tone for this year, hasn’t it?  Anyway, what about this ‘pow-wow’, then?

Geronimo:  Now?

Sitting Bull:  [nods – raises hand, speaks seriously]  Pow-wow – now.

Geronimo:  [puzzled]  Pow-wow – now – how?

Sitting Bull:  [raises hand again]  How.

C Horse:  Oh, stop it, both of you. Look, why can’t we talk here?

Sitting Bull:  What, just standing about?

Geronimo:  Why not?

Sitting Bull:  Well, can’t we go and sit down, my feet are killing me – after all, I’m not called ‘Standing Bull’, you know.

C Horse:  Very well then, let us go into my wigwam – and smoke a piece of pipe together.

Sitting Bull:  A piece of pipe?

C Horse:  [waves his hand]  Oh no, silly me –  I meant  a ‘pipe of peace’.

Sitting Bull:  Oh no – no thanks, not for me, I’ve given up smoking – they say smoking stunts your growth.

Geronimo:  Huh!  [looks him up and down]  It does not seem to have stunted yours much, does it?

Sitting Bull:  Oi, you – watch it!  I came here in good faith, to discuss a truce between our two great tribes, and all I’m getting is rabbit.

[Running Water pokes head out of wigwam]

R Water:  It wasn’t rabbit, it was squirrel stew, and nobody’s getting any now! [goes back in]

C Horse:  Oh dear, it seems we won’t have anything to eat after all – and Geronimo, that is quite enough rudeness from you. Come this way please, Sitting Bull. We will go and have our pow-wow.

[Crazy Horse leads the way, all exit into wigwam, curtains close]