Cleopatra

 

Cleopatra

Of all the productions over the years this was probably everybody’s favourite – certainly from my point of view Cleopatra was one of the most fun to write. There is quite a long cast list, and a twist at the end of the story which will come as a surprise to the audience.

Cast List

Cleopatra – the adopted daughter of the pharaoh

Ptolemy VIII – Cleopatra’s nasty half-brother

Nefertiti – Ptolemy’s mother, the queen

Julius W Caesar – the dumb Emperor of Rome

Mark Antony – Caesar’s long-suffering sidekick

Nobits – a eunuch, and slave master

Abigun – the high priestess

Itibiti – the low priestess

The Sphinx – a cut-out prop, with an opening door through which someone speaks

Fanta – a temple virgin

Pepsi – another temple virgin

Tango – a dancing teacher

Sprite – the chief chef

Mustafa – a humble brick-maker, father to the four girls above

Omar – a builder

Sharif – a builder’s mate

Osama – the union shop steward

Fatima – a (nasty) wise woman

Seamus – an itinerant Irish workman

Brutus – bodyguard to Caesar

Cassius – another bodyguard to Caesar

Castor & Pollux – twin Roman messengers, played by they same person

Mamba – a snake-seller

Taxi – an embalmer

Dermi – an embalmer’s dim assistant

Weekli – an Egyptian messenger

Dayli – the herald

plus several servants, guards, dancers, etc

THE STORY, SCENE BY SCENE

Opening song: ‘Walk like an Egyptian’

SCENE 1   An Announcement is made.

At the palace, a messenger arrives: ‘Pharaoh is dead!’  Cleopatra is his adopted daughter, Nobits is her faithful servant. Under the old Pharaoh’s will, Cleopatra and young Ptolemy are to be joint new rulers, but Ptolemy is unhappy at this. Pharaoh’s tomb is still unfinished, the builders have been sacked by Ptolemy’s mother Nefertiti, so the priestesses Abigun & Itibiti are supervising the work.

SCENE 2   In The Desert.  

Abigun and Itibiti go to see the building work, and find the workers singing the song: ‘There is nothing like a Sphinx’. They discover work was stopped by Osama, the shop steward. Abigun & Itibiti get Mustafa the brick-maker to hide the striking slaves away.

SCENE 3   Still In The Desert.  

The Romans Julius W Caesar & Mark Antony arrive, with Caesar’s two bodyguards, Brutus & Cassius (both dressed in black, with sunglasses, Mafia-style). One of a pair of twin messengers, Pollux, takes a message to the Egyptian court to tell of the Romans arrival.

SCENE 4   At The Slave Market.

Abigun & Itibiti meet Nobits at the slave market to buy replacement slaves to continue the pyramid work. They choose and audition ‘slaves’ (members of the audience), and test them.

SCENE 5    The Messenger.

At the palace, Pollux arrives with Caesar’s message; Cleopatra is intrigued, and decides to go to meet Caesar at his camp, (sings a song) and Nobits arranges a ‘gift’ for Caesar. Pepsi & Fanta (Mustafa’s daughters) warn her of danger.

SCENE 6   In A Palace Corridor

Ptolemy & Fatima try to make a plan to get rid of Cleopatra; Fatima agrees to buy a snake. Ptolemy sings a song, ‘I’m Ptolemy the eighth I am.’

SCENE 7   At The Embalmers.

A pair of comic embalmers Taxi & Dermi are late preparing the Pharaoh for his funeral, using the wrong stuffing;  Abigun & Itibiti give them ultimatum.

SCENE 8   At The Builders.

   Abigun & Itibiti go to see some new builders, Omar & Sharif, who agree to take over the construction of the pyramid.

SCENE 9   At The Snake Dealers.

At Mamba the snake-dealer’s shop, Fatima buys an asp with which to poison Cleopatra. Ptolemy asks Fatima to deliver the snake, but she won’t, so Ptolemy agrees to do it.

SCENE 10   Back At The Palace.

Cleopatra is rolled up in a carpet, to be taken to the Roman camp, leaving a dummy in bed as a disguise; later, in the dark, Ptolemy delivers the asp, is interrupted by Fanta & Pepsi, & gets bitten himself.

– – I N T E R V A L – –

SCENE 11   At The Palace Again.

Tango teaches the dancers; dance.  the 4 sisters – Fanta, Pepsi, Tango & Sprite – all meet, & sing a song, ‘Sisters’. It turns out that Ptolemy is very ill but not dead; Nefertiti is distraught, and blames Cleopatra for the snake-bite.

SCENE 12   At The Roman Camp.

Pollux delivers his message; Nobits arrives, and delivers Caesar’s ‘carpet’ with Cleopatra is inside. When he sees her, Caesar is smitten; they all leave to go to the palace; Brutus & Cassius are fed up, and plan Caesar’s downfall.

SCENE 13   Back In The Desert

Mustafa sings a song, ‘If I was a Roman’; the new builders arrive to work on the pyramid, but are stopped by Osama. Left on his own in the desert, Sharif talks to the Sphinx.

SCENE 14   Back At The Palace, Again

Sprite brings some soup for Ptolemy. Cleopatra learns of Ptolemy’s snake-bite;  the Romans arrive, to meet Nefertiti. In a trance, Fatima warns Caesar:- ‘Beware the Ides of March’.

SCENE 15   Back At The Slave Market

   With Abigun Itibiti & Nobits to help them, the audience sing a song:  ‘Deep in the heart of Egypt’.

SCENE 16   Back In The Desert, Again

   An Irish workman Seamus arrives, looking for his wife and meets Mamba who is catching snakes, she takes him to town.

SCENE 17   And Back To The Palace, Yet Again

   Cleopatra hears the story from Fanta & Pepsi of how Ptolemy’s tried to kill her; she sings a song ‘Valerie’ (Ptolemy).

SCENE 18   On The Road To The Palace

Abigun & Itibiti learn by accident that Fatima bought the asp, when they meet Mamba and Seamus on the road, so they take them to the palace to explain to Nefertiti.

SCENE 19   Yet Another Palace Scene

   Abigun & Itibiti arrive to tell Nefertiti about Fatima. Ptolemy is disgraced, Nefertiti is shocked, and orders her guards to take Fatima away. With the pyramid still in dispute, Seamus tells Nefertiti that he is a builder, and that he can finish off the pyramid quickly. Nefertiti sings a song: ‘If I could turn back time’.

SCENE 20   Outside The Roman’s Hotel

   Mark Antony learns from Brutus & Cassius the news of Caesar’s death by snakebite, and goes to investigate.

SCENE 21   And Finally Back At The Palace, Yet Again

Nefertiti apologises to Cleopatra, and confirms that she will be the new Pharaoh.  Seamus finishes the pyramid, and is thanked by Nefertiti, then he meets Cleopatra, and discovers that she is his long lost daughter. Cleopatra is very happy, and gives Nobits his freedom and makes him Grand Vizier. Brutus & Cassius are sent back to Rome, but Mark Antony stays in Egypt, and marries Sprite. Cleopatra’s coronation is arranged for the following day.

A short script sample . . .

 ACT 1

 Announcer:    Ladies and gentlemen, to mark their twentieth year of entertaining – no, that can’t be right, surely? – it says here of entertaining the local community, the Mawbray Entertainers present: “Cleopatra – or Take your hands off my Asp!”

[curtains closed, song and dance routine – ‘Walk like an Egyptian’]

Scene 1 – An Announcement

[curtains stay closed:  enter Weekli the messenger from rear of hall, running]

Weekli:    My lady!  The Great Pharaoh is dead!  My lady – oh, my lady!  Pharaoh Ptolemy the Seventh is dead!

[as messenger approaches the stage, curtains open, palace scene; on stage Cleopatra, with several serving girls; messenger goes up on stage, and kneels down in front of her]

Cleopatra:    What is it, what did you say?

Weekli:    It’s true my lady.  The Divine Pharaoh is dead.

Cleopatra:    Oh, no!  So, at last my beloved Pharaoh has lost his fight for life.  [to servants]  Oh, I shall miss him terribly, he was always very kind to me.  [sobs, they comfort her]

[fanfare starts:  enter Dayli, the herald, rear left – fanfare stops]

Dayli:    My lords – [fanfare carries on, pauses]   My lords –

[she goes to speak again, but long fanfare continues . . .]

Dayli:    Finished?  My lords, my ladies, my noble Egyptians!  I announce the arrival of his Greatness, the Divine Ptolemy, Prince of the Upper Kingdom, Lord of Lower Egypt, Living Descendant of the Great Sun-God Ra – all Egyptians bow before his Divine Light!

[enter Ptolemy, rear left:  trips over his gown]

Cleopatra:    Another grand entrance, Ptolemy?

Ptolemy:    What’s all the fuss about?

Cleopatra:    Haven’t you heard the awful news?  Our beloved Pharaoh is dead.

Ptolemy:    Oh, that.  Yes, I know that.

Cleopatra:    Aren’t you even a bit sad?  Our dear father is dead.

Ptolemy:    What do you mean, our father?  My father, you should say – not your father . . . you’re only adopted, remember.

Cleopatra:    That’s not fair.  Pharaoh always treated both of us the same.

Ptolemy:    Doesn’t change the fact that I shall be the new Pharaoh. Mind you, it’s taken him long enough to decide to die. He’s been unwell on and off for years.

Cleopatra:    Oh, Ptolemy, you can be really cruel!

Ptolemy:     [to messenger]  You!  Go and find the High Priestess, Abigun.

Weekli:    At once, Greatness.  [exit, rear left]

Ptolemy:    [waves at servants]  And you lot – off you go, too – go on – shoo!  [herald & servants exit, front left]  Mother! Are you there?  [turns round]  Oh, where is she?  [puts hands on hips]  MOTHER!

    [enter Nefertiti, rear left]

Nefertiti:    I’m here, Tolly dear, I just can’t walk as fast as you do. [out of breath]

Ptolemy:    [crossly]  Mother! I’ve told you a hundred times not to call me that in public. My name is Ptolemy, and I should like to be addressed as such.

Nefertiti:    Oh, I’m sorry dear, I keep forgetting.  [notices Cleopatra]  Ah, I see the waifs and strays are here.

Cleopatra:    [sarcastically]   Hallo, Nefertiti.

[enter Abigun, rear left, & Itibiti who is carrying several scrolls;  they bow deeply to Ptolemy & Nefertiti, but only a brief nod to Cleopatra]

Ptolemy:    Ah Abigun, there you are. I take it you’ve heard the news?

Abigun:    [bows again]  Yes, Greatness, I’m afraid that sad news always travels the fastest.

Ptolemy:    Never mind the sad news – did my father leave a will?

Abigun:    [flustered]  What? Oh, of course, Greatness –  and I have it here. Quick, Itibiti – the will, the will!

Itibiti:    Oh – er – yes, at once!  [finds right scroll, unrolls it, and begins to read slowly from scroll]  “I, Ptolemy the Seventh, Great Pharaoh of Upper and Lower Egypt, Admiral of the Nile, Divine Descendant of the Great God Osiris, and of the Great Goddess Isis . . .”

Ptolemy:    [interrupts]  Yes, yes, we know who he was – just get to the important bits – who gets what!

Itibiti:    [looks at Abigun, who helps roll down the scroll, nods, and she continues reading]  “Firstly, to my principal wife Nefertiti, I leave my twelve white oxen, ten male goats and sixty female goats, one hundred of my best camels, two hundred of my second-best camels . . .”

Ptolemy:    Never mind all that stuff. Me! What about ME?

Abigun:    [Abigun snatches scroll from Itibiti]   I am so sorry, Greatness – er – [unrolls scroll quickly, scans words, mutters]  Ah yes, here we are . . .” and finally it is my wish and my command that my great Kingdom of Egypt shall pass into the care of, and shall henceforth be ruled by, my beloved son . . .” [pauses, looks up]  . . oh, dear –

Ptolemy:    What is it?  What?   WHAT?  [jumps up and down in frustration]

Abigun:    – [Abigun swallows hard, and continues slowly]    “ . . . and shall be ruled by my beloved son Ptolemy – er – jointly with his sister, my beloved daughter Cleopatra”.

Ptolemy:    What?  WHAT?  Jointly?  JOINTLY!  With HER?  No no, you stupid p – priestess, there must be some mistake.  [snatches scroll, reads it]

Abigun:    I’m sorry, Greatness, but it does say that you are to rule jointly.

Nefertiti:    [crossly]   But she’s not – family!  She’s not even a proper Egyptian.  She’s adopted, and [she can hardly bring herself to say the word]  she’s – a – a –  Macedonian!

Cleopatra:    Yes, my mother was a Macedonian, and I’m proud of that.  I’m proud to be a Macedonian – well, half-Macedonian anyway!

Nefertiti:    Yes, half-Macedonian is right! Mummy was a Macedonian – but what’s the other half, eh?  Who was Daddy? No-one ever knew who he was, did they!  [Nefertiti and Ptolemy both laugh nastily]